By

Ben-Hur

Digital eyesore bore of biblical proportions

Amateurish remake of the even-then-schlocky 1959 sword-and-sandals flick, this by Timur Bekmambetov, whom I believe remains under indictment for Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. Stupendously streamlined, colossally underwhelming, and utterly unnecessary.  A main reason for this epic fail is the casting of borderline wuss Jack Huston in the title role. I’ll stop short of actually praising Charlton Heston, but this guy’s no Charlton Heston. The chariot race is rousing enough, but small reward for plodding through over two hours of cheesy, eyeball-glazing tedium with a Christian message. (125 min)