Don Aranow was a shady New Jersey billionaire homebuilder who thought he could sever his mob ties by moving to Florida and building monstrously powered “cigarette” speedboats. He won races and made a ton of money, but when his boats became de rigueur among the area’s drug smugglers, he got in trouble with both the mob and the law (James Remar plays Meyer Lansky!)

In this highly cheesy, slightly fictionalized version of Aranow’s tale, 64-year-old former movie star and Scientology shill John “Gotti” Travolta (in a ludicrous rug) plays “Ben Aronoff,” spouting lines like, “You’re swinging with Tarzan, now!” and ogling and groping much younger women. Barrel of laughs.

Unbelievably cheap, cornball and derivative. I apologize, loyal reader, but I left halfway through. It wasn’t going to get any better, and life’s just too short. Travolta, who has resurrected his career a couple of times, may have dug himself too deep a ditch this time.

January 31 (102 min)