The eighth iteration of this frenetic franchise has Tokyo-drifted quite a distance from its modest, mildly entertaining roots back in 2001, when Paul Walker’s undercover cop infiltrated Vin Diesel’s vaguely illegal street-racing crew.

This time Vin’s “family” (a word used at least 50 times) must save the world (from Charlize Theron’s cheesy Bond villain). I thought they did that last time. Ah, well. “Plot” has Dom risking a nuclear war and causing hundreds of collateral deaths to save the kidnapped baby son he never knew he had. What a hero! Family, you know.

Aggressively moronic, graceless, flaccidly unrealistic, logic- and physics-defying. The dialogue’s historically lame and it’s way too long. This is wheel-spinning, cinematic gluttony. Fans will love it.

So what’s the “fate” of the franchise? Hint: 9 & 10 are in development. Maybe I’ll retire. (136 min)