A preening, mustachioed and not entirely ethical British art dealer rushes around the globe to recover a missing Goya in this Johnny Depp vanity action/mystery/caper flick. Using a wide array of Brit tics and mannerisms, Depp again disappears into the title character, only this time the character isn’t all that funny—nor is the movie.

It’s not a disaster; I laughed six times. But how can a film be so frenetic and at the same time so obstinately dull? Even in a career slump, Depp is perfectly watchable—why else would those pirate movies exist?—but this misfire is a disappointment. Japanese title: Charlie Mortdecai: Kareinaru Meiga no Himitsu. (106 min)