Originally published on metropolis.co.jp on November 2011

A LIKELY STORY

• A burly American golfer at Tama Hills found himself part of a unique “hole-in-one” when he fell into an eight-foot deep sinkhole that opened up beneath him on the fairway. He climbed out and finished his round, as you do.
• Mountain climber Nobukazu Kuriki was forced to abandon his climb up Mount Everest—the mountain with the biggest tits in the world, as the boys from Monty Python once pointed out—just 1,000 meters from the summit when crows ate his food supply.
• It was reported that Princess Mako, the oldest daughter of Prince Akishino and Princess Kiko, said on her 20th birthday that “she will try to act appropriately as an adult as she has come of age.” Where’s the fun in that? Time to party, we say.
• Need proof that Japan has gone cat crazy? It may have all started with Hello Kitty, but now we have a couple who created a “cat town,” a mall operator who started a “cat idol group,” and a virtual town that elected a cat as mayor.
• “Noda enjoyed loach soup in Seoul on Tuesday night,” proclaimed the headline on the Kyodo story, referring to Japan PM Yoshihiko Noda, who famously compared himself to a loach in an election speech.
• A man was arrested for leaving the dead body of his dear old dad in a closet in Kanagawa. No relation to a rotting corpse found in a wooden box in a Kanagawa apartment, vacant since May. Is there a shortage of cemeteries in Kanagawa, by any chance?

SAY WHAT?

• Researchers at a Nagoya university have come up with a unique way of checking for colon cancer by analyzing patients’ farts.
• A new study has indicated that active faults exist under TEPCO’s Higashidori nuclear power complex in Aomori. Hmmm… now that’s reassuring.
• In other news from Aomori, a police sergeant in the prefecture has been arrested for stealing women’s underwear.
• And, sticking with the pervs, thanks to The Tokyo Reporter, a 40-year-old postal worker was busted for taking photos up a girl’s skirt on an Osaka subway.
• For ¥12 million you can now own a bone-china tea set from Noritake, called the Queen’s Garden, “with rose and fruit motifs.” If that’s out of your price range, there’s always the Kingin Saihoomon white porcelain set for just ¥7 million (but that does include tax).
• Executives of camera-maker Olympus admitted paying some $687 million to financial advisers “but said the payment was appropriate.” Musta been mighty good advice.
• The Daily Mail reported that the crew of a Russian training ship saw up to 20 tons of debris from the March 11 tsunami some 2,000 miles from Japan after passing the Midway islands. Apparently, among the items spotted was a 20-foot-long fishing boat with “Fukushima” painted on its side.
• In a related story, a 4,724-ton 100-meter-long freighter that was carried over a pier wall in the port of Kamaishi by the tsunami was finally removed after locals complained that “it not only interfered with road traffic but was a painful reminder of the destruction caused by the earthquake.”
• Investigators figure that graffiti found on subway cars all the way from Sapporo to Fukuoka could be the work of the same gang of “artistes.”
• Police in Aichi asked the operator of social networking site Ameba Pigg to step up security after eight kids in the prefecture logged onto the site by pinching passwords from registered members.
• A man in Chiba was mistakenly arrested in a convenience store parking lot after cops thought some “dried plant matter” he had on him was marijuana. He claimed it was incense and, after testing the stuff, they said “sorry” and let him go.
• Meanwhile, police in Saitama arrested a Vietnamese couple for drug possession after seizing nearly 900 cannabis plants they were growing.

GOOD ON YA!

• Kazuo Abe, whose legs were paralyzed nine years ago in a motorcycle accident, wheeled his way to the top of Mount Fuji, reaching the summit in his third attempt.
• Tennis player Kei Nishikori became the highest ranked man ever on the ATP Tour when made it to No. 30 in the world. The previous best was Shuzo Matsuoka at 46th.
• Nadeshiko Japan women’s soccer player Nahomi Kawasumi was voted the country’s “most likable athlete” while team captain Homare Sawa was deemed the “most powerful athlete,” according to an online survey by Hakuhodo DY Media Partners and Data Stadium.
• Overall, Seattle Mariners outfielder Ichiro Suzuki was ranked the most popular athlete in Japan in the poll, despite having his worst season ever.
• The Texas Rangers made it to the World Series for the second straight year, but manager Ron Washington decided to leave relievers Koji Uehara and Yoshinori Tateyama off the 25-man roster. NHK must have been cringing but can’t really blame Wash for making that move.
• TBS decided to sell perennial cellar-dwellers the Yokohama BayStars to DeNA, makers of mobile phone game service Mobage.

SAD TRACKS

• A 74-year-old cabbie was killed when he drove his taxi through a fence in Shinagawa-ku and landed on the Yokosuka Line tracks some eight meters below, where he and his passenger were hit by a passing train.
• In Miyagi, the families of students of a driving school who were killed on their way home by the March 11 tsunami are suing the school for nearly ¥2 billion in damages for “failure to fulfill duty of risk avoidance.”
• Maybe crime doesn’t pay, after all. In Miyazaki, a 60-year-old former yakuza gang member trying to get on government welfare has been turned down.
• In Osaka, the construction worker dad of an 11-year-old boy was arrested on suspicion of forcing his kid to beg on the streets for money near a subway station. Pop told the cops he was innocent, claiming his son “did it on his own.”
• A court in Malaysia sentenced a Japanese nurse to death by hanging for drug trafficking, despite her claims that she didn’t know there was 3.5 kg of methamphetamines in her suitcase when she flew from Dubai to Kuala Lumpur. The nurse claims she was carrying the bag “as a favor for an Iranian acquaintance.”
• Read all about it! The Foreign Correspondents’ Club of Japan was sued by a group of employees over what they deemed were “illegal demotions and pay cuts.”

RESCUE ME

• Quince, a robot armed with a camera built to enter areas unsafe for humans, got stuck in one of the damaged nuclear reactors in Fukushima while measuring radiation levels.
• A 33-year-old engineer from the Defense Ministry’s Technical Research and Development Institute says he spent a year and a half of his life making “what he says is the world’s first highly functional flying ball.” He said he hopes it can be used during natural disasters.
• Researchers at the University of Yamanashi and Toho University claim they have discovered that a tiny species of green algae “can effectively eliminate radioactive cesium and strontium.”
• A 44-year-old Filipina cabin attendant with Delta Air Lines was arrested “on suspicion of delivering money to the Philippines from Japan without authorization.” She allegedly took ¥110,000 to the Philippines for a couple of Filipinos living in Aichi Prefecture.
• A hostess club in Tokyo was busted for employing high school girls.

Compiled from reports by AP, Japan Today, The Japan Times, The Tokyo Reporter, The Asahi Shimbun, The Mainichi Daily News, Daily Yomiuri, AFP, Reuters, Kyodo, Daily Mail and The Guardian.