Originally published on metropolis.co.jp on March 2013

The good news is that the Twilight movies are finally over. The bad is that Robert Pattinson, inexplicably, is still getting work. In this tame, threadbare and soulless adaptation of a saucy and complex 1885 Guy de Maupassant novel, he plays a scheming opportunist who rises in 19th-century Paris society through, essentially, bedding the right women (a fiery Uma Thurman, a disappointing Kristin Scott Thomas, and a vibrant Christina Ricci). Only the flaccid Pattinson, whose chief expression is moody, supplemented here by some pretty funny attempts at deep emotion, could turn this into such a snore.