Originally published on metropolis.co.jp on June 2012

While this witless, cheapo “reimagination” dutifully conjures up the necessary spurting blood, clanging swords, sorcery, beheadings, flayings and slayings, it is so lacking in imagination that it more closely resembles a rip-off of all those sword-and-sorcery rip-offs of the 1982 film that launched Schwa-chan’s pre-politics career. A studly Jason Momoa does the generic barbarian honors in this blood-soaked CGI contrivance despite not seeming all that barbaric (Conan the Buff?), and he looks as though he’d be more comfortable on a romance novel cover. Best line: “I live. I love. I slay. I am content.”