Originally published on metropolis.co.jp on December 2010

Killers: ©2010 Lions Gate Films Inc. All Rights Reserved

Brain-dead my-husband’s-a-hitman rom-com shoot-’em-up stars a smarmy Ashton Kutcher as a CIA superspy, and if you buy that, I’ve got some oceanfront property in Arizona I’d like you to look at. Katherine “get a new agent” Heigl’s the clueless blonde he falls in love with and marries but keeps in the dark about his violent past. This unbelievably shallow, laugh-free train wreck of a movie is unfocused, unoriginal, badly paced, totally illogical and lacks the merest iota of suspense. They should have assassinated the screenwriters. It made me appreciate the refined subtleties of Gigli.