By Don Morton
June 17, 2022
Aside from boosting the career of child actor Drew Barrymore back in 1984, the original Firestarter was pretty pointless. Stephen King, who wrote the source material, hated it. But this aggressively mediocre, personality-free remake, unbelievably, makes that film seem like a paragon of horror achievement.
“Plot”: Charlie (Ryan Kiera Armstrong), a child born of parents (Zac Efron & Sydney Lemmon) who gained superpowers as a result of voluntary medical trials, has the power to burn things up. Her folks are trying to teach her how to control it. Meanwhile, a secretive government agency wants to capture her to study how she can be weaponized. Snore.
This lazy parenting drama is dull as dirt. But it seals its own fate when in the last few scenes it tries to morph into an origin story for a new (and highly unlikely) superhero franchise. Right. We need more of those. (94 min)