Monster Hunter

Everything you’d want in a movie – if you’re twelve

Japan release date: March 26, 2021

A squad of elite Army Rangers falls through a dimensional warp into a world of very large CGI beasties trying to eat them, generally successfully.

Tough-as-nails lady team leader hooks up with a local beastie-fighter (Tony Jaa), but not before engaging in a vicious kick-fest, because in movies like this, no excuse for a little chop-socky goes ignored. 

Once that’s out of the way, they try to team up with “the Admiral” (Ron Perlman in the funniest wig of his career) to close the warp and prevent the beasties from getting into this world. It’s pretty much non-stop action, but this can be viewed as a good thing, since when that action occasionally and briefly stops, things get even dumber.

Yes, it’s every bit as moronic as it sounds, but this video-game adaptation drivel is what crap director Paul W. S. Anderson and his wife crap actress Milla Jovovich do. That their Resident Evil franchise made them a ton of money by separating sub-teens around the world from their allowances is not a reason to spend yours on it. If you insist on seeing it, I highly recommend getting drunk first. Very drunk.

Of course, this is a blatant attempt to tentpole a new franchise. Should there be sequels, I’ll be giving them a pass. (103 min)