Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

A sloppily-written waste of pixels lacking genuine fun

I can understand producer Michael Bay’s unique talent for giving his audience what it wants, but this pointless 100-minute, big-screen, 3-D toy commercial and/or video game will disappoint even the mouth-breathing preteens it’s aimed at. For all its antics and pop culture references, this waste of pixels lacks any genuine sense of fun.

Directed by Jonathan Liebsman, the genius who inflicted upon us Wrath of the Titans and Battle Los Angeles. Best I can say is that this sloppily-written, simulated film product didn’t give me a headache—but only because I had one going in just thinking about it. Japanese title: Mutant Turtles. (101 min)