Originally published on metropolis.co.jp on April 2014

On the title date, the Ottoman Empire launched a 300,000-man army against a smug and poorly defended Vienna. Long story short: if the city fell, Europe would become Muslim. Wise counsel from Italian monk Marco d’Aviano (F. Murray Abraham says “I am but a humble monk” three times!) and the arrival of Poland’s commoner King Sobieski eventually managed to save the city’s snooty, aristocratic ass. Someday they’ll make a great movie about this. This beyond-cheesy Italian effort, though, is not it. Ponderous and self-important, but the dialogue’s pretty funny. Almost embarrassing, screen-saver SFX. (114 min)