Life in Japan is a character-building exercise. As the Metropolis Agony Aunts, we give you our unqualified advice to your concerns submitted through our Instagram, @metropolisjapan.

Question: The staff only look at my Japanese partner to take the order at restaurants.

Agony Aunts: Be the main character and speak first, making intense and lingering eye contact.

Q: It’s so hard to be vegan here. My partner thought the pork ramen was vegan if he took the pork out once served.

AA: Accept that dashi may be lurking in places it spiritually does not belong in and go flexitarian.

Q: I still suck at kanji.

AA: Study five a day, every day, in a real-life context and stop calling yourself bad at a language you’re brave enough to live in.

Q: People keep talking about me and saying I have a small face in public.

AA: Walk back up to them and say “Thank you,” because it’s a compliment even if it’s weird to you.

Q: My mom tells everyone I live in China, do I correct them?

AA: Correct her if it bothers you, otherwise let the aunties believe you’re somewhere vaguely “in Asia” and protect your energy.

Q: My boyfriend doesn’t hold my hand in public, and I don’t want to force him (but I do).

AA: Tell him it makes you feel close and ask for compromise sometimes because asking for affection is communication, not coercion.

Q: I saw my friend’s boyfriend get a Bumble notification on his phone, do I tell her?

AA: You might not know their full situation. Maybe they’re in an open relationship or something. If you’d want to know in her position, tell her calmly, then let her decide what to do with it.

Q: I got my boyfriend a Valentine’s Day gift, but he said he’ll only celebrate White Day and Black Day.

AA: Make up your own “Pink Day” instead and celebrate what matters to both of you because relationships make their own traditions.

Q: People back home keep asking me if my Japanese boyfriend can really satisfy me in the bedroom…I honestly can’t believe how many have asked.

AA: Shut it down and don’t entertain it. Those questions are rooted in insecurity and stereotypes, not genuine curiosity. You don’t owe anyone a discussion about your sex life.

Q: Where can I buy Japanese bras that aren’t lacey and full of padding and look like a grandma?

AA: You don’t. Only buy from international brands like H&M or Zara. Peach John is not it.

Q: How to get out of my next company’s nomikai?

AA: Attend just long enough to be seen, then vanish gracefully like a salaried Cinderella before the second round of highballs.

Q: How do I make Japanese friends?

AA: Join something you genuinely enjoy, show up consistently, speak imperfect Japanese boldly.

Q: I feel like the token “foreigner” hire at my company.

AA: Own it and reclassify yourself as the “global expansion strategy.”

This article was originally published in Metropolis Magazine, “Drama,” Spring 2025. Read the full issue here.