Originally published on metropolis.co.jp on November 2011

Just when you thought the sweaty-torso, sword-and-sandals fad was over, we get yet another bit of noisy green-screen nonsense, about which the best thing I can say is that it makes Troy look good. Mickey Rourke squanders whatever career points he earned in The Wrestler with this cheeseball, scenery-chewing turn as the mad king Hyperion, who’s seeking this magic weapon thingy that will help him destroy humanity, yada yada. The hero is Theseus, a peasant watched over by the Gods, played by Henry Cavill (the next Superman). Most of the dialogue is shouted, everyone wears funny hats, and it’s in 3-D.