By

Jurassic World: Rebirth

Awe-less

The action takes place five years after the events of Jurassic World: Dominion. If you don’t remember that, don’t worry, no one does. In fact, no one remembers much about any of the seven Jurassic movies other than the first, 32 years ago. Awesome, that. But since then, retreads, remakes and regrets.

Rebirth? Nah. Maybe remix.

Motivated by the promise of huge profits, a team comprising sincere paleontologists, oddly ethical mercenaries, and a venal Big Pharma rep travel to the forbidden equatorial island to collect the DNA of three fierce dinosaurs that will allow them to create a cure for heart disease. Or something.

On the way there, though, they stop to rescue some people in a capsized sailboat. These four two dimensional extras contribute precisely nothing to the movie. Maybe the filmmakers thought the runtime was too short. Or that they didn’t have enough dinosaur food. Okay, no one goes to a Jurassic movie for the acting, and the CGI scenes with a variety of ugly-saurs are state-of-the-art, as you would expect. So if that’s why you go to the movies, you won’t be disappointed. Some good jolts, a few nice getting-eaten scenes and the odd easter egg from past flicks. But none of it is particularly scary, interesting or emotionally engaging.

The problem with such flicks has always been the dopey drama during the lulls in action. An overqualified, very good-looking cast that includes Scarlett Johansson and Mahershala Ali helps the movie here, but does not save it. I’ll close with the witticism that virtually every film critic (including me) has used for virtually every JP movie: Just because you are able to do something (like clone a dinosaur or make a sequel) doesn’t necessarily mean you should. (133 min)