Originally published on metropolis.co.jp on April 2014
Imagine being a TCK for one day—a Third Culture Kid. A TCK is a young person who lives in a society with a completely separate culture from where his or her parents originated. It sounds simple, but it can be quite complicated for those who identify themselves as TCKs. Take it from a person who’s a third culture kid himself: I was born and raised in Japan, but my mother is Filipino, while my father is Iranian. I’ve lived in Japan all my life and I have Japanese nationality, but most people don’t immediately think of me as a Japanese person simply because I look different.
Identity and a sense of belonging are essential to a teen’s psychological wellbeing. Often you only want to blend in and be “just another person,” but when you, as a TCK, start speaking in English or another language with your friends on the train, Japanese people will start staring at you as if you’re circus animals. When a TCK gets approached for looking like a celebrity—like the half-Japanese baseball player Yu Darvish—it only serves as a reminder that he doesn’t fit in.
Having the advantage of being able to speak basic conversational Japanese was convenient in public situations, and helped me feel more like a normal Japanese person. However, I still considered myself a foreigner most of the time because I was surrounded by non-Japanese people at my international school. I spoke to my friends in English, studied in English, and didn’t learn a whole lot in my Japanese language class.
Only when I started attending a Japanese high school did I really get accustomed to the nuances of Japanese culture I hadn’t previously understood. I had plenty of funny and awkward moments as a result of this (like not being able to give a proper presentation in class—I couldn’t express myself!), and got into some downright embarrassing situations because of my lack of Japanese ability.
Another TCK friend once told me that, even though he understood the language, he didn’t get Japanese humor in his first few years in Japan. He would translate the jokes, but didn’t get why they were funny. “But when I understood the culture here better,” he told me, “I gradually ‘got’ the Japanese version of humor, and learned to appreciate it.”
Willingness to explore the local culture is really the first step to actually enjoying the country you live in. Being a foreigner in Tokyo isn’t so difficult if you surround yourself with other expats and stay in your comfort zone, but where’s the fun in that? Even if you don’t speak Japanese at all, you can try a little at a time: greet you neighbor in the morning with a simple, “Ohayo gozaimasu!” It’ll open up your world to interacting with the Japanese people around you.
Although we should be proud of our unique backgrounds and being “different” from other people in Japan, sometimes it’s only natural for us to want to avoid being treated like foreigners. This is the reason why many find it hard to be part of Japanese society and prefer to have a circle of foreigner friends they spend their time with, simply because it’s easier. In my case, taking a leap into the Japanese environment paid off, but it’s not the same for everyone.
One great place to share and read about other TCK experiences is www.denizenmag.com, a community website full of personal stories and helpful articles. Being a TCK in Japan can be frustrating sometimes, what with the uncomfortable situations, the language barrier (or being treated differently even if you speak Japanese) and the special gaijin treatment you get from people everywhere in society. But not understanding everything in the culture shouldn’t be an excuse for not trying to speak Japanese at all or simply taking the easy route by going to establishments where you can avoid anyone but foreigners. At the same time, being able to share your third culture experiences and learn about others like you is a great way to cope—but it all needs to move forward towards helping you find a balance between immersing yourself in the culture and keeping hold of your international roots.
