Originally published on metropolis.co.jp on July 2012

The super-piranhas from Alexandre Aja’s trashy 2010 Piranha now make their way into a water park. This spiritless sequel by John Gulager alternates between the beasties dining on dehumanized, dishabille spring-break Barbies (they apparently favor the naughty parts) and repetitive not-so-special effects. Then David Hasselhoff shows up for a little self-parody (which is only effective, David, when it’s not all you have left). This wet and witless waste is hilariously funny…if you’re a leering 12-year-old boy obsessed with fake titties (the “DD” stands for a bra size). Makes the Aja film seem like art.