Originally published on metropolis.co.jp on April 2011

©2011 WARNER BROS. ENTERTAINENT INC. AND LEGENDARY PICTURES

Zach Snyder, who has previously inflicted upon us 300 and Watchmen, this time works from his own script, ripping off filmmakers too numerous to mention in his efforts to cram in every possible geeky fanboy fantasy without a single storytelling thread to bind them together. A young woman is committed by her evil guardian to a gothic mental hospital and scheduled for a lobotomy. She “escapes” by slipping into a fantasy world where she’s a captive dancer in a fetishistic brothel/nightclub. The question of why one so incarcerated would choose to escape to such a place is indicative of the film’s pervasive pointlessness. From there, along with a quartet of nubile, barely legal fellow hookers, she escapes further into several repetitive, ultraviolent, near-rape, psychosexual fantasies-within-fantasies where the five repeatedly battle Nazi robot monsters, dragons, Orcs, giant samurai, etc. These bits are so soul-deadening they make pachinko seem deep. Teen-boy titillation posing as female empowerment. The Last Airbender with false eyelashes. This joyless mish-mash is masturbatory movie making at its worst (best?), and if you paid to get in, the only sucker getting punched is you. I found myself slipping into a fantasy world where movies like this don’t exist. Japanese title: Angel Wars.