Originally published on metropolis.co.jp on July 2014

Dear AMA,

I have a history of sexual abuse, starting from my own father. It seems to follow me wherever I go…

I moved to Japan several years ago and I recently changed jobs. I really like this new job and I think there’s a future in it for me, but I’m being sexually harassed by my immediate manager. It’s nothing too serious right now—touching my arms and thighs, kissing my cheek at company outings, checking me out and saying I look nice. Maybe because I have a history of sexual abuse, even these small things make me feel incredibly uncomfortable. But I’m also worried that this will escalate if I don’t say something. And that’s the problem… I’m too scared to say anything. I’ve tried speaking up in the past and nobody believed me—and I had to quit my part-time job.

Why me? Is it the way I dress? The way I look? Am I giving off mixed signals without realizing it? I really don’t want to lose this job, but I don’t want to be around my manager. The office is 98 percent men, and if I can’t stand up for myself now, I’m afraid everyone will soon take advantage of me. I tried telling my Japanese friends, but they told me that it’s normal and their bosses also touch them, and there’s nothing we can do. Is this really normal? —Looking for Answers

Dear Looking,

We passed your question on to the good people at TELL. Here’s what they had to say…

Thank you for having the courage to write and share your story with us. We do not believe you are crazy—and it is something serious. The unwanted acts you are experiencing from your boss are sexual harassment, which understandably can make working there extremely uncomfortable and even frightening. It is not something you have to put up with even if others tell you it is normal; it is wrong.

Unfortunately, as of yet, Japan does not have a statute that provides victims of sexual harassment with protection. Instead, there is something called Article 11 of Japan’s Equal Employment Opportunity Law, which states that a company cannot discriminate based on gender, and requires that the employer take steps to make the workplace free from sexual harassment.

Sexual harassment takes place in one of two forms: “retaliation-type” (unfair treatment such as being fired for refusing a co-worker or boss’ sexual advances) or “environment-type,” which is what you are describing: unwanted sexual touching that is impacting your ability and desire to continue to work there. To get a better understanding of your legal status and the options you have, it is best to speak with a lawyer. Our telephone counselors can help you find one who might be able to help.

Your belief that sexual harassment is something that follows you is not a simple question to answer. You briefly mentioned that you are a survivor of sexual abuse at the hands of your father. Research shows that all too often, survivors of childhood trauma experience something called “revictimization,” which can involve other traumatic experiences of abuse in the course of their lives. Often feelings of guilt and self-blame are experienced, in the sense that a survivor may believe that they “asked for it” or “must like it.” Also, on a very basic level it has to do with a survivor employing dissociative coping methods that helped keep them alive through past experiences, which may minimize social cues that would usually alert them to possible danger.

It is important to know that this is not your fault. Talking to someone who understands trauma can be helpful. The telephone counselors at the Lifeline can help you with this, but I also recommend reaching out to a therapist specializing in child sexual abuse for adults. We have face-to-face therapists at TELL who can help you on this journey.

If you need to talk, the TELL Lifeline is there to listen. Call TELL at 03-5774-0992 or visit their website at www.telljp.com.