Jurassic Park outtakes

Note to Adam Driver: You’re a good actor. But considering this movie on top of your ridiculous turn as Kylo Ren in Star Wars Episode VII, maybe you should stay away from space movies.

In this surprise-free non-thriller, an astronaut crash-lands on a strange planet fraught with perils and spends a lot of time not being eaten by dinosaurs while trying to arrange his escape. Turns out, and this is not a spoiler because it’s in the very first dialog box, that the planet is Earth.

It gets worse. In a bad-timing scenario that could only spring from the mind of a hack screenwriter, all this is happening, yes, 65 million years ago, and there’s an extinction-level comet on its way. Like this afternoon.

Not even bad enough to be good. It’s kind of sad when the best thing that can be said of a movie is that it’s only an hour and a half long. (93 min)