Shark Night 3D

Originally published on metropolis.co.jp on July 2012

A group of one-dimensional college kids is marooned on a private island in a saltwater lake that seems, somewhat suspiciously, to have been stocked with several species of shark, all very hungry. Checklist: leering rednecks (one of whose teeth are scarier than a Great White’s), speedy sharks that can trail and catch a water skier, a highly ridiculous backstory, flat acting, plenty of padding between cheesy chomp scenes, and a complete lack of any sense of threat. The only reason I can think of for this rudderless, cast-attrition piece of shark-sploitation to exist is to make Piranha 3DD look good.