In 1983, a gang of beer-swilling morons kidnapped Alfred “Freddy” Heineken for ransom. The Dutch made a true-crime movie about it in 2011. Now here’s another. No one seems to know why.

Swedish director Daniel Alfredson managed somehow to get Anthony Hopkins to play the title character, but gives him little to do but effortlessly outshine with a mere lifted eyebrow all the actors playing his abductors. These include Jim Sturgess, Sam Worthington, and Ryan Kwanten.

Dreary, dull, and disappointing. If this movie were a beverage, it would be the titular lager.

Opens June 13. Japanese title: Heineken Yūkai no Daishō. (95 min)