An obnoxious L.A. blogger (Justin Long) is taken prisoner by a demented old Canadian fart (Michael Parks) and surgically, Human Centipede-style, restructured into a walrus. I mean, really.

Director Kevin Smith needs a few “no” men around him to remind him that maybe he shouldn’t make movies out of every dopey thing he thinks up when he’s stoned. This is a one-joke curiosity, a filmed dare, a self-congratulatory experiment that’s neither scary nor funny, whose main purpose is to inspire disbelief that anyone would even make such a thing. Do you really want to spend money on this? Japanese title: Mr. Tusk. (102 min)