Originally published on metropolis.co.jp on February 2012

I don’t get why they split the fourth Twilight book into two movies. It couldn’t have been because it was too long, because this is 90 percent filler. The pure, plodding padding preceding the final 20 minutes of meat (an admittedly horrific childbirth sequence) is enough to put even the film’s target ‘tweener “Twihards” to sleep. Could there have been $ome other rea$on for the bifurcation? Ask me, all four books would fit into one flick. This one’s all about Bella finally losing her virginity (after four years of cinematic foreplay) and the hidden dangers of interspecies dating. Just say no, girls.