Originally published on metropolis.co.jp on April 2010

©2010 WARNER BROS ENTERTAINMENT INC AND LEGENDARY PICTURES

Let’s make no mistake here. This retelling (or reimagining, or whatever) of the legend of Perseus in crappier-than-usual 3D is fairly lame. But it’s kind of supposed to be (look at the title), and if you’re not expecting great cinema, this creature feature on steroids can provide some amusing mythological mayhem. I had fun. The story: Man, weary of the petty whims of the gods, declares independence from Olympus and starts a war. This is not a great idea. The plot is thin, even by sword-and-sandal standards, and the frequently incomprehensible motivations of god and man (not to mention giant scorpions) are hit-and-myth. Sorry. The romantic in me would like to think that the degree of cheesiness maintained here is a wink to the jerky animations of stop-action wizard Ray Harryhausen in the 1981 original. I’m probably wrong. There’s even an ambiguously gay moment (“Why do you never smile?”). But it’s well paced, with the between-clash melodrama kept to a minimum. Which is a blessing with hunk-of-the-month Sam Worthington doing the emoting. But I loved the Kraken. This Kraken could wipe the floor with that wimpy Pirates of the Caribbean Kraken. Go drunk.