Originally published on metropolis.co.jp on February 2010

Photo by Benjamin Parks

Regarding “Poll Position” (Feature, Jan 15): Very interesting. I had no idea there was such a critter as a “foreign-born politician” anywhere in Japan. How very narrow-minded of me, especially since I come from the land of the Gubinator (CA). And to all the naysayers: be patient—Japan is taking baby steps, yes, but taking even baby steps toward becoming more internationalized is encouraging.—sctaber56**

What’s the big deal with being “internationalized”? What exactly would the benefits be for Japan that the country doesn’t already have? BTW, regards this article, would you trust anyone who does the “I’m a deep thinker” pose (you know, the finger along the cheek routine) for photographs?—billyshears**

I’m a big fan of Metropolis! I love checking out the Agenda, Dining Out and what’s going on in arts and entertainment. Thanks for keeping this magazine so interesting!

In the January 22 issue, a note in the Small Print caught my attention. It was talking about the “frumpy” Susan Boyle and the two Japanese men who shouted out marriage proposals to her at Narita airport. The note ended with the comment, “Get your eyes fixed, fellas.”

I’m not a fan of Susan Boyle, but I found the comment rude, offensive and showing a lack of respect to women in general. Do you mean that women who look like Susan Boyle can only carry a relationship with someone who has defective eyesight and can’t see how “frumpy” she is? I think you should be impartial when referring to people—making negative comments about body appearance is a low blow.
—“Albuquerque Alberto”

Regarding “This Pigeon’s Come Home to Roost” (The Last Word, Jan 22): Let me get this straight… The gentleman who wrote this makes his living as a “writer, singer and songwriter”? He used to live in NYC, he has his own apartment in Tokyo now, and went to all this trouble to complain about a baby pigeon that’s ruining his whole life and the insensitive fellows at the management company that laughed at him about it? It seems these “gaijin rants” are getting weaker and weaker these days. Next time, please do a Naomi Campbell at the apartment management office and send us a video of it. Waken your inner diva, dude!—“Mike”*

Dear Hysterical,
The policy in Japan (and most countries) is not to relocate nests if they have baby birds in them, because this often drives the parents away and kills the young ones. The Japanese parliament passed a revised Animal Protection Law in 1999, and readers may be familiar with the 2002 Fukuoka cat cruelty case, where the perpetrator was sentenced to six months in prison. Prior to this, Japanese animal abuse laws had seldom been enforced. It goes without saying that only a total ignoramus—or a complete idiot—would openly admit to cruelty to animals (birds) on a public forum.

So yes, you are the one that should be evicted, deported and burnt. Get a life. No—get a bird brain. The one you have is obviously not of much use… and you need a larger one. Let’s hope the public prosecutor reads your article and all your pigeons come to roost!
Pun intended, with talons.—Legal Eagle*

* via the Metropolis comment threads
** via the Japan Today comment threads

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