Originally published on metropolis.co.jp on November 2009

Hermès: rich people only
Morabito: high-quality for old ladies
Ettinger: for English geeks
Daines & Hathaqay: for even bigger English geeks than Ettinger
Dunhill: give up already—it’s not like they’re actually made in London
Freehand: those in the know, know about it
Felisi: their store president was arrested for drugs
Cartier: first of all, it doesn’t look good on you
Loewe: you’d never think it was a luxury item
Swaine Adeney Brigg: Do you have an umbrella and a cane?
Gucci: they’re everywhere
Prada: you look like an idiot carrying one
Louis Vuitton: carried by high school girls and imposters
Il Bisonte: trying way too hard to be popular with girls
Paul Smith: cheap Chinese goods
Burberry: that’s so over
Bulgari: man, you really like brands
Daiso: trash

Source: http://alfalfa.livedoor.biz, via Marxy (http://neojaponisme.com)