Originally published on metropolis.co.jp on February 2010

©Disney Enterprises, Inc. All rights reserved

This is a wonderful movie. The acting’s flawless, the music’s original, memorable and meaningful, and the storyline is intriguing and keeps you guessing. If you’re NINE and a little GIRL and have been steeped in sanitized Disney PAP all your life. If you aren’t familiar with the TV show’s conceit, here you go: mild-mannered, down-to-earth, like, totally average Miley Stewart (Miley Cyrus, who I believe moonlights as Alvin the Chipmunk) sometimes dons a cheap blonde wig and emerges as ’tween-pop superstar Hannah Montana. Why not? Hell, Clark Kent did it with just a pair of eyeglasses. But when the glitzy Hannah persona appears to be taking over, wise old dad Robby Ray (Billy Ray Cyrus: don’t give up your Achy-Breaky day job) hauls her back to Tennessee and the “real” America for a little personality de-tox. Ah, but there she discovers a conspiracy that can only be resisted by—wait for it—putting on a show! Geez, why do I bother? I understand that it’s the movie business, and this will elate Disney’s target audience and make a lot of money and bore a lot of parents. But this isn’t moviemaking, it’s product delivery.