Vin Diesel plays the 800-year-old title warrior, currently operating in NYC. You’d think the merely mindless Fast & Furious franchise would keep the man busy enough to prevent him from having to act (for want of a better word) in bombs like this. It’s a heavy-handed and humorless tsunami of fussy and underwhelming CGI that spends a lot of time between witch-slaughtering on expository dialogue detailing a borderline-incomprehensible, logic-deficient mythos that nobody really cares about. The film’s like watching someone else play a not-very-interesting video game. And Michael Caine, shame on you. (106 min)